Sunday, December 30, 2012

Getting Ready For the New Year

*knocks on screen* Remember me? Yep, I may just be one of the worst bloggers, ever.  I can't believe it's been 6 months since I last posted! How is that even possible? I even have a Blogger app on my phone to make it easier--so much for relying on the app. 

I have to admit, when I looked at the date of my last post, I giggled.  Like literally.  Why?  Because it's just about the SAME time when I was asked to step up from being PSO Treasurer (think PTA) to PRESIDENT! Yep, that's me.  From what I've heard from other mothers, being PTA/PTO/PSO President is a lot of hard work and it takes a lot of time.  But what I've learned is that being the president the first year of the organization's history in a charter school that just started it's second year is beyond time consuming!  Now, don't think I'm complaining, I'm not.  I'm soooo not. I am beyond grateful for this opportunity and actually enjoy every hour I spend at the school and at home on the phone/computer.  I'm just stating a fact. It takes a lot of time, time away from other focuses.

So, maybe I'm not the worst Blogger. I've been legit busy, but I could have possibly snuck a post in here and there the last few months, right? Maybe? Was I that busy?  Based on friend's reactions, I guess I was.

Now, down to business--weight loss business.  I was doing pretty good this year, despite the relocation to a new school, town, house, etc.  The scale said I was, although I felt that I was eating whatever I pretty much wanted. I really was doing well as I look back. For two months over the summer, I didn't eat any man made carbs, and it felt fabulous! But the weirdest thing happened, and I'm still analysing it to understand the, why

Around early autumn I learned something that took me by surprise.  I needed to get new pants, the size I was wearing was 18.  So when I went to the store, I tried on 18s and they were HUGE.  So I tried on 16s, still huge.  I finally realized I'm actually a size 14.  I looked at myself in the mirror.  Like really. Looked. At. Myself.  And I discovered I saw myself much heavier than I actually was.  It was a real eye opener. 

Then, do you know what happened?

After being excited over this new reality, the holidays kicked in.  And you know what I did? I ate.  Like, really ate.  Like, pretty much anything that was in front of me, I ate--no restraint whatsoever.  In the back of my subconscious mind--at the place where you think you are in control, but really, you aren't--I found myself saying, "You've done well.  You've pretty much eaten what you like all year and you've maintained.  Eat this.  Eat that. You'll be okay."

So I did.  

What kind of crazy talk is that?!  It's like the whole devil on one shoulder with the angel on the other.  In my case, I swear my devil took out my angel with a huge cream puff grenade, because she was nowhere to be found.  She's been mute. During the season starting with Halloween, I just ate whatever was there because "I was size 14."  I swear I'm insane.  When I feel heavy, I tend to eat less.  But as soon as I feel like I'm in control, I soon find myself going out of control.

So, here I am at the end of 2012 and I'm not sure what goals to make.  Or if I should even make any since it's such a great opportunity for sabotage.  Maybe I should go in half effort to fool myself into doing better.  I don't know. After 30+ years of playing this game, I'm tired and I think that weight control, for some, is literally something that can put you in the loony bin.  I know what it takes.  I know it's not complicated.  I know I have the ability to do it.  So how is it that I'm ending this year "fluffy" as ever?

All I can say is this, and I make no promises, but I have one year until I'm 40. One. And I'll be darned if I begin the next decade of my life unhappy with the way I look, but mostly with the way I feel. I want to shop and have a closet filled with cute clothes, not with old familiars that are faded and getting holey because "I don't want to buy big clothes when I'm just about to get smaller."  I want to feel cute.  I've had 4 kids, and I've forgiven myself for not looking my best, I've allowed myself to be in "progress." I have no excuse now.  My baby is about to start school and I have run out of excuses.  It's all me. Now, I just need to get my focus in check, and make 2013 the year I stop the insanity. I'm seriously tired of being a yo-yo.  I'm seriously tired of this game.  You probably think I've gone insane.  Maybe I have? I want to focus on something else.


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  4. Hi Karen,

    It wasn't the devil on your shoulder, it was your body asking you to eat, and you SHOULD listen. :) Dieting only causes the metabolism to decrease, which is why it's hard to keep weight off long term through dieting. I've learned this the hard way, through many years of unsuccessful dieting. I like to visit dieting blogs in the hopes of saving others from the long term miseries of dieting. I've compiled what I've learned in my blog if you are interested in the reasons, and explanations, of why dieting doesn't work. If you're not interested, that's fine, but I try to "pay it forward" to others since I have been rescued from the never ending struggles of dieting.

    I won't hang around to see if you reply, or not, because I'm just trying to get the information out there to others and I have no desire to try and make people believe anything by staying to argue any particular point. I just wanted to share.


    Also, here's an article by Gwyneth Olwyn at youreatopia.com about bingeing. It might help you to understand better why what you went through over the holidays was not the type of bingeing you're thinking it was.


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